Coaching and Private Work

Since I do so much ongoing coaching and private client change work, a lot of questions come my way about both. Questions like, “How do I start my business?” “Where do I begin?” “What should my fees be?” “How do I work with a client?” We'll answer a few of them now, from our point of view, of course.

Here are a few suggestions that will cost you little except your time:

You can let your social sphere know what you are doing. I started by doing small things complimentary for the practice. I began to get personal referrals. When you do an excellent job, you'll get lots of them. Personal referrals are how I got started and I continue to get many.

Do complimentary speaking engagements and let your audience know that you do coaching and private work. There are many organizations and companies who are looking for a freebee. Check it out. If you do seminars/trainings, let them know you do private sessions. Or if you want to spend a little or a lot of money, create a brochure, print business cards, advertise in local publications, get a web site.

To get down to specifics, what can make your job easier is to have them answer a detailed questionnaire and send it to you in advance of the scheduled session. If they won't do that, then they are probably not committed to the work. When they commit, the change begins. “But”, you say, “NLP is a content-free tool.” Yes, and you do need some information to be effective. The questionnaire should be carefully designed with questions to let you know what their modal operators, metaprograms, beliefs, values, current state and goals/outcomes are… A lot of information, which saves you both time and gives you a jump-start on the task at hand. Perhaps you could do a good job without it. You choose.

In the session, you set up the guidelines. You're the professional. First say hello Other-than-consciously. Use your skills of observation. Pay attention to their OTC™ communication. You’ve already begun the process. Listen to them, they will usually tell you what they want, even if they think they don't know. I ask them, “So why are you here? What specifically do you want?” Avoid letting them get into the therapy mode. You don't need to listen to their long, sad story. Interrupt the pattern and keep them on track.

What you charge for your services is up to you. You know what your time and skills are worth. There are some practitioners who charge by
the hour, some by the change, or in ongoing coaching, it can be an established monthly fee. The object is not to build client dependence, but to help them reach their well-formed goals as quickly as possible, so they can get on with their lives as successfully as possible. You do want referrals, right?

Brief example:

Recently I did private client work with a person we'll call Kiwi who was in a lengthy legal proceeding with Mango whom he let intimidate him to the point of terror. Kiwi wanted to manage/eliminate his fear and focus on the issue of winning a legal case.

What I didn't do is get in his face, fixate on his eyes, watch every movement, figure out if I should do a change history or a six step
reframe. Just paid attention. His words were, “I'm gonna lose and he's gonna eat me alive, dealing with him is destroying me.” It has been said that language is the mirror of the mind. What do you think?

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. Kiwi had terrified himself with his own language. And Mango was loud and
vicious. "His tonality devastates me." We had him change his position and look at the situation and himself, from a distance, naturally. (Dissociate & break state). His comment was “that looks silly.” He laughed. I asked him how it now he said “better.” I suggested he say to himself in the most sensuous tone, “he's gonna eat me alive.” He began to laugh. He changed Mango’s tonality to a squeaky little voice and shrank him.

The picture, words and feelings are now changed forever. In this session, he learned how to interrupt his own pattern and outgrow ones that do not serve him. I asked him, “What will it be like when you have made these changes… now… in the future as you look back and see what it was like to have had that silly problem as you think about it here and now?”

Kiwi is now in a place to decide in a more positive way what to do here. The bottom line is that in the actual legal proceedings, several years ago now, he had to control his laughter and delight. The fear is gone. Mango lost his control and composure. Kiwi won the case!!

He has generalized this over time, and is doing well in other areas of his life. We still keep in touch.

We can all be winners easily. Dissociate from a problematic situation, look at it objectively, change your language, and use humor, all the while trusting that your OTC™ is an excellent problem solver. And as Richard Bandler says,“lighten up, loosen up,” It works.